The Thought That Counts : Episode 6 - Understanding Yourself

Robin Hills (Director, Ei4Change) has been asked to contribute a series of bite-sized, inspirational soundbites for Bolton FM.

Featured every day for a week as The Thought that Counts, these were broadcast on the Breakfast Show around 7.20 am and on the Lunchtime Show usually around 12.20 pm.

This podcast covers

• Your Self-esteem
• Moving Out of your Comfort Zone
• Assertively saying “No”
• Unconscious Bias
• Expressing Yourself When Communicating

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker : 0:20

I live in a village near Bolton which is in Greater Manchester. Bolton FM is my local radio station, and I often contribute to the The Thought That Counts slot. This is usually broadcast on the Breakfast Show at about 7.30 and the lunchtime show at about 1.30 over a period of a week. Each broadcast lasts about 90 seconds. My contributions are all based around some aspect of emotional intelligence. I've put my contributions together as hints and tips in this podcast. On this occasion, my reflections cover: Your Self Esteem, Moving Out of your Comfort Zone, Assertively Saying "No", Unconscious Bias, Expressing Yourself When Communicating. I hope you enjoy the podcast and these The Thought That Counts.

Unknown Speaker : 1:19

The Thought That Counts. Are you willing to continually try to improve yourself and engage in the pursuits of things that are personally relevant and meaningful to you that leads you to a rich and enjoyable life? If not, you could appear to have little admission and motivation in life. You'll be the kind of person whose content to work at a fairly mundane job for eight hours a day with no interest in promotion or change. If it's not easy to motivate yourself, maybe you're not doing what you really want to do. What are you interested in? What excites you? What gives you energy? What do you love doing so much that you'd do it for free. Set yourself, and see yourself, achieving something special to you in the next few weeks. Doing so, you will strive to recognise your potential. Focus on what you can realistically achieve and you'll be comfortable with where you're currently are in your personal and professional life. You'll be motivated, enthusiastic, and constantly on the lookout for new things to improve what you do. Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change that you wish to see in the world."

Unknown Speaker : 2:31

The Thought That Counts. Are you really happy or just comfortable? your comfort zone is a behavioural state where you operate using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance. Here, you experience little or no anxiety, and no risk. So, within your comfort zone, you have a sense of security. If you stay too much within your comfort zone, you can become complacent - not really interested in what's going on around you, and coasting through life, almost oblivious to what's actually happening as things change. Within your comfort zone, you're able to cope. inactivity though, and the lack of stress makes you doubtful and fearful of anything new. Life is all about growing and evolving. To step outside of your comfort zone, you must experiment with new and different behaviours, which will stretch you to experience new and different responses that occur beyond your comfort zone. Try out new things. Do routine things in different ways. Find a new hobby or a new job. Meet new people. Some people won't try anything because they're afraid - afraid of failure, afraid of what others might think, afraid that they won't be able to cope. You never change your life until you step outside of your comfort zone. Change begins at the end of your comfort zone. You're confining yourself within the walls of your comfort zone and in the end only you will regret the changes that you didn't take.

Unknown Speaker : 4:03

The Thought That Counts. Many of us are afraid of conflict. We don't like others to be angry with us or critical of us. We, therefore, avoid saying "No" when we're afraid that this will puts us into conflict with someone else. Whether that's someone as a partner, or a colleague, or a friend, or a supervisor, or boss. We want to be seen as accommodating, easy to get along with and a nice person. We don't want to let people down. Assertively saying "No", doesn't mean being rude. It's just a question of being open and forthright with your thoughts and opinions. Especially if not saying "No" is going to cause you more problems and stress in the long run. Give yourself permission to say "No" to anything that makes you unhappy, or drains your energy. Here are some hints and tips, some techniques for you to consider when you want to be nice and you don't want to say the word "No". "Let me think about it." "Can I get back to you?" "I'm not able to do what you're asking right now." "Here's what will work for me." "I appreciate that this is important and I appreciate being asked, but I can't." "Thanks, but this isn't going to work for me." "Oh, I wish I could. "Can I help you to find a solution?"

Unknown Speaker : 5:26

The Thought That Counts. Bias is a prejudice in favour of, or against, something, a person, or a particular group. This is usually in a way that's considered to be unfair. Biases can have negative or positive consequences and they may be conscious or unconscious. Unconscious biases include stereotyping certain groups of people, and these are formed outside of our conscious awareness. Everyone holds unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, and these biases stem from our tendency to recognise patterns and to organise our social world by generalising, categorising and stereotyping. Our biases are more likely to show up when we're tired, multitasking or working under time pressure. Unconscious bias is far more widespread than conscious prejudice, and this is often at odds with our conscious values. It is, by its very definition, something that we're not consciously aware of, and so it's not easily open to us to examine or to observe in others. Having an awareness and an acceptance that you are biased means that you can be alert to it and constantly check for things that you are unconsciously biased about. Seeking out views, perspectives and opinions that are different from your own helps you to check your assumptions and your judgments. Keeping an open mind and listening will help you to reduce any unconscious bias. Remember, we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Unknown Speaker : 7:03

The Thought That Counts. Working with your emotions, you need to be able to express yourself clearly, so that those around you know exactly what you expect of them. The greater clarity you're able to offer them, the greater the trust, you will build with other people. You need to be able to communicate effectively, but also to be aware of how other people prefer to communicate, and to be willing to take this into account. You must be careful not to go overboard. If you're dealing with someone who's rather reserved and serious, or someone who's rather gentle and reserved by nature, being too animated and enthusiastic around them may leave them feeling overwhelmed. This is especially important when meeting and working with new people. Human beings are infinitely diverse in their personalities and behaviours, so it's impossible to identify one solution for interacting with everyone. You need to identify how each person prefers to communicate, and make sure you engage with them in a way that's comfortable for both of you. Comfort in expressing your emotions will allow you to share the best of yourself with others, but not being able to control your emotions will reveal your worst. Whenever a conversation goes badly, think carefully about when it went wrong and why. Bear this in mind for the future. By doing this, you will gradually learn to express your emotions more effectively when interacting with others and improve your overall communication. I'm Robin Hills from Ei4Change, Empowering your Emotional Management. The Thought That Counts. Transcribed by https://otter.ai